Westminster Part II: Fashion Police Edition

Apologies for the delay in recapping the grand finale of the 2017 Westminster Dog Show. I was hoping to locate an online version of the telecast so I could re-watch it, in order to repeat verbatim some of the comments made by the announcers. Because I, ah, want to make fun of them and “generally speaking” feel it’s inappropriate to do so unless I can be precise about what was said.

Since there is apparently no accessible online version, I have resorted to paraphrasing some of the remarks from memory. Two caveats before we begin:

a)      Sincere apologies for any comments that I misconstrue; and

b)     Fair warning that I may have inflected some of the reported commentary with my own biases.

Not Burying the Lede

Winner of the 2017 Westminster Dog Show: Rumor, the German shepherd!

A bridesmaid to the winner in 2016 (CJ, a handsome German shorthaired pointer) the 5 year old female, described by the best in show judge as “magnificent,” came back this year and took top honors. Rumor claims a prize of zero dollars, but instant fame among the dog cognoscenti – you know, those snappily dressed people that you see toting around bags of their dog’s poop.

Honorable mention: to Devlin, the female boxer and her handler, Diego Garcia. They shared a snuggle after she won the working group. I almost teared up.

Bowing to the Breeders

What’s in a name: I mentioned in the recap of night 1 that it was refreshing to have the commentators and onscreen text finally drop the cumbersome and at times ridiculous AKC registered names of the dogs, e.g. Ch. K-Run’s Park Me In First, in favor of using their everyday or call names, e.g. Uno.

Apparently someone (most likely the breeders, whose names are typically incorporated into the registered names) also noticed that the registered names had been dropped, and must have thrown a hissy fit between nights 1 and 2. Sure enough, by night 2 the registered names not only made a reappearance in the onscreen text, but also were being used (grudgingly) by the announcers. You could hear the annoyance in commentator Gail Miller Bisher’s voice as she snapped through the registered names, saying them as if a water gun were pointed at her head, until she could get to “Charlie!”

Shifting the Focus

Speaking of changes between nights 1 and 2: Gail Miller Bisher is the new commentator, who has replaced “the voice of Westminster,” David Frei. Frei was extremely knowledgeable about the breeds, well known for injecting humor and warmth into the telecast. He also owns a Brittany, which makes him a kindred spirit of mine, and would unabashedly root for the breed to win the sporting group (which they never did during his 27 year reign).

Gail, taking over as Fox replaced USA Networks, once won second place at Westminster in the Junior Showmanship competition, and is an AKC-licensed conformation judge.

“I grew up breeding, showing and training,” Bisher told USA TODAY Sports during Saturday’s “Meet the Breeds” event on the West Side of Manhattan. “I was paid by owners to show their dogs.”

The award for self-promotion: Gail is knowledgeable about the breeds too, but focused much of her commentary throughout the night (at times to the point of overshadowing the dogs) about how difficult and exacting it is to be a dog handler. During the best in show judging, as the top dogs from each group were taking a final trot around the ring for the judge to declare a winner, her co-host asked her “at this point, how much of it is the dog and how much is the handler?” “Oh, it’s 100% the handler.” *ahem*

Fashion Police

A note about footwear: I realize handlers probably require flat, well soled shoes to run with the dogs around the ring. I am not suggesting anyone run in heels (though the judge who was wearing them looked spectacular). But you are on national TV, in a premiere event, and the camera is going to focus on that dog at your feet. Bypass the sparkly ballet flats from Payless. Take a cue from the male dog handlers - spring for a nice leather loafer. The female handlers wearing flat knee high boots: rocked it.

What’s with the boobs? Pardon me for being catty, but on night 1, Gail was wearing a dress that was so low cut the cameramen were clearly getting distracted by her cleavage. I get that we are now in an era where the chicks on the weather channel are dressed to go out clubbing as soon as they walk off the set. But this is a dog show. You are not impressing the dogs. I think Gail may have gotten a tap on the shoulder, because by the second night she was sporting much more modest attire.

For the Love of Shelter Dogs

This will be my last time covering the Westminster Dog Show. The more I have learned about breeding show dogs – which is almost entirely to achieve a rather dated and random physical “standard”, not for health, physical well-being or stable temperament – the more I have come to despise the practice. Many breeds have been nearly ruined due to overbreeding, and suffer debilitating health problems and hereditary illnesses because e.g. people think its cute for dogs to have short turned up noses, elongated necks or small faces. Ironically, veterinarians and animal scientists point out that the German shepherd breed has perhaps suffered some of the worst health and emotional consequences as a result of this type of breeding. Please adopt from a shelter or a responsible, non-show dog breeder. Dogs rule. 

Cats at Westminster. (Dogs protest. Plot to resist.)

Recap of night 1 below. 

For the first time ever - and god only knows why - the American Kennel Club added cats to its “Meet the Breeds” event at the Javits Center leading up to the 141^st Westminster Dog Show. I can only imagine the backstage commentary when the show’s raison d’etre became aware of this development.

                Boston terrier: Does anyone smell a cat? I swear I smell a cat.

                The entire hound group: 127 cats. Caught their scents on the train when we were still in New Jersey. 38 long-haired, 70 short-haired, 19 hairless.

                Miniature poodle: Hairless? Hairless cats?! Boy, those must be dumb looking.   

    Labrador retriever: *rolls eyes*

    Affenpinscher: Why are they here? I can take ‘em! … Are any of them bigger than me? I can take ‘em!

    Mastiff: It’s part of the AKC’s diversity and inclusion initiative.

                Border collie: Let’s herd the cats! Let’s herd the cats!

                Clumber spaniel: I will pretend I did not just hear you say that. Smartest dog breed. Psssh.

Media coverage for the show has moved from longtime broadcaster USA Network (owned by NBC) to Fox Sports. This has produced a variety of changes.

In the plus column:

·         Mary Carillo is gone. Most consider her a legend in sports broadcasting, particularly in tennis. I thought she made Brent Musburger sound articulate and elegant by comparison. (Yeah, I know. We’re having a “shoot the pink elephants day” here in North Carolina.)

·         The onscreen text has finally quit identifying the dogs by their AKC registered names, e.g. GCH CH Cottage Lake’s Our Lady of Fatima (I did not make that up). I get that those names are useful to identify the breeder and can apparently reference the bitch or sire, but:

a)      No one calls their dog by that name; and

b)      Dog attention spans for complex sentence structure range from “toddler” to “are you still talking?”

Happily, both the text and the announcers now refer to the dogs by their everyday call names, e.g. Boozer.

In the still needs improvement column:

·         Fox has added a backstage reporter, whose functions seem to include (a) cutesy to the point of cringe-inducing gushing over the dogs; and (b) service of the peculiarly millennial need to be updated while watching the dog show on the social media activity of other people watching the dog show.

·         Over the years there has been breed inflation at Westminster, with 202 breeds now eligible to compete in 7 groups for best in show (kind of like the Winter Olympics adding events from the X Games). Six hours of primetime TV coverage over two days is trying for even the most shameless of dog lovers (raises hand). Take a lesson from the flagging viewership of the Grammy’s and Oscars. Please shorten it.

Hound Group

Motto (and fair warning): “You can take the dog out of the hunt, but you can’t take the hunt out of the dog.”

Celebrity member: The Irish Wolfhound - the breed you often see strolling through the background in BBC miniseries. Imposing and regal, they were favorites of Irish monarchs and English nobility.

The “don’t try to upstage the dog” award goes to: the (professional) handler for the Basenji, who was wearing a navy blue and white, multi-pattern plaid suit. Looked like the mobster in a Bugs Bunny cartoon. You could almost hear the dog mumbling, “Don’t run next to me. It’s too embarrassing.”

Winner: Duffy, the Norwegian Elkhound, who barked happily at the crowd after being awarded the group ribbon.

Toy Group

*Sigh* Centuries of breeding to be companion dogs has bred most of the classic “dog” characteristics out of them. Cute and cuddly, they tend to sport expensive hairdos and have owners who dress them in actual clothes. The genuinely good, humorous and loving nature of these dogs means they tolerate – perhaps even appreciate – such indulgence.

Seriously, just get a cat: The commentators describe several of the breeds as having a “cat like nature” because they are fastidious, licking and grooming themselves to keep clean. Owners of Labrador Retrievers everywhere laugh hysterically.

Oooh, awkward: In front of a (not even close to) capacity crowd at Madison Square Garden, and perhaps tens of thousands of TV viewers watching from home, the handler for the Brussels Griffon tripped and face planted on the astro turf as they were entering the ring. Narrowly avoiding squashing the dog. Maybe you want to try handling Great Danes, who would at least laugh that off?

And then this happened: After being removed from the podium, the toy fox terrier was to begin his star turn around the ring. The dog abruptly stopped, and began to hunch down into a squat (recognized by every dog owner on the planet), refusing to be budged despite several nervous jerks on his lead. Gail, the color commentator, tried to cover: “Oh, ha ha. The dog is being stubborn. Typical for the breed.” The handler – no doubt in a blind panic - tugged again. The dog looked annoyed, but gamely resumed its trot around the ring. Pandemonium avoided. (He did not make the finals.)

Winner: Chuckie the Pekingese. Looks like a dog made out of dryer lint.

Non-Sporting Group

20 breeds; 10 best in show winners, almost all of which have been poodles.

The miniature and standard poodle are in this group. The national dog of the French. Thus, the stupid looking haircut.

No, really: Poodles are tremendously smart and loyal dogs. Bred to hunt as water retrievers by the Germans, their heavy, curly coats were trimmed close to the body to be manageable when wet, with the full coat left around the joints for insulation. The dogs became popular in France, and by the early 18^th century the previously utilitarian cut had evolved into an elaborate pompadour on the head (mimicking the style popular at the time of Louis XVI) with fur bracelets on the legs and a pompom on the tail.

Winner: A miniature poodle named Aftin. Qu’elle surprise.

Overplaying the role: “Handlers develop a special bond with the dogs. They become so close that they can read each others minds.” I can read my dogs minds too. “Give me your cheeseburger.” “Quit hogging the couch.” “I don’t know who chewed the fringe off that rug.” It’s not like they do vector calculus in their heads.

Herding Group

Even the announcers were beginning to get tired by the time the herding group took the ring. Several of the dogs were visibly agitated during the judging.

Winner: Rumor, the spectacular German Shepherd, wins the herding group for the second year in a row.

Best dog names of the night:

Pixie Dust

Wink

Slick

Lazarus

            Cat

More to follow, as night 2 kicks off.